Perhaps you are finding yourself in the same position that Asaph the psalmist found himself in Psalm 77.
I cry aloud to God,
aloud to God, and he will hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
my soul refuses to be comforted.
When I remember God, I moan;
when I meditate, my spirit faints. SelahYou hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
I consider the days of old,
the years long ago.
I said, “Let me remember my song in the night;
let me meditate in my heart.”
Then my spirit made a diligent search:
“Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah—Psalm 77:1-9
You see Asaph was so troubled that he was effected inside and out. Notice a few of the ways he expresses his angst in verses 2 and 3:
My soul refuses to be comforted.
His memories of God caused him to moan.
His spirit fainted.
His eyelids were being held open.
He was speechless.
Have you been there? Are you there now? Good for you if you can answer no to those questions. But I suspect that you will be there sometime in the future.
It is interesting how one pastor describes all of this,
For a long time, I have imagined that I see everybody with a wheelbarrow. I have a wheelbarrow too. We push them around, and inside are our trials, temptations, fears, failures, disappointments, heartaches, and longings. These are the things that wake us and then keep us awake at three o’clock in the morning.
—Alistair Begg, Truth for Life: 365 Daily Devotions
So what did Asaph do when he found himself wide awake and troubled in the middle of the night? The short answer is that meditated on the things of the Lord. His meditation included asking a few questions (Psalm 77:7-9). It’s interesting that he doesn’t really direct his questions to the Lord. He is sort of asking God, sort of asking himself, or perhaps just wondering out loud. (The following questions are taken directly from the ESV).
Q1: Will the Lord spurn forever?
It seemed to Asaph as if the Lord had rejected him. The word usage gives the sense that he feels God has cast him off due to a stench in him.
Q2: Will the Lord never again be favorable?
This question has the idea that the Lord is not pleased with Asaph.
A few weeks ago, I asked a lady how she was doing. She answered, I’m blessed and highly favored. I had to wonder if she ever felt like Asaph. Would we dare answer the question about our well being with I feel cast off, rejected by the Lord and wonder if he will ever again be pleased with me?
Q3: Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
This is an interesting question. How can that which is steadfast ever cease? If God’s love ceases, it is by definition not a steadfast love.
Q4: Are his promises at an end for all time?
Like the previous question to ask this question is to speak contradiction. A promise does not come to an end.
Q5: Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Another question that doesn’t make sense logically. Since the Lord is God, he is omnipotent. He doesn’t forget. And even if he did have a memory lapse (I write foolishly), he would not forget to be gracious because being gracious is part of his character. We might say that it’s in his DNA.
Q6: Has he in anger shut up his compassion?
Just like questions 1 through 5, question 6 must be answered with a resounding NO!
The troubled, sleepless nights might lead us to these same or similar questions. Our recent experiences and perhaps our fragile emotions bring these questions to our minds and hearts.
But a careful meditation on the person or character of God will help us to think aright. If we are his children, these questions can be soundly answered in the negative.
I will leave it to you to read the remainder of Psalm 77 to see how Asaph turns his thinking around. His mental reversal brings him to points of praise. He is no longer weary, but he becomes worshipful. I hope you will be able to trade in some of your sleepless nights for restful seasons of slumber.